Fluffy Mackerel Pudding

I have the particularly nasty kind of head-infection where, considering the mucous membranes above the neck, some random patches are fine, some random patches are scratchily, catchily, bone-dry, some random patches are dripping, and some random patches are completely occluded or covered with something in between almost-dry rubber cement and silly putty in texture.

I can't smell in my left nostril, my throat sometimes makes it hard to talk, and my sinuses periodically make an audible (to me) noise as they re-equalize pressure between them.

But hey, no fever, and everything below my neck is a-ok!